Rachel here: This is a post that I write--no joke--everyday in my head. It is a list of all of the foods I am going to eat once I am no longer pregnant. In the fantasy I've been entertaining for, oh, let's say the last 36 weeks, there is a night in my (now not so distant) future in which I ditch the kid and head out for a night of culinary indulgence. When I mention this to some people they say, "Oh, but you won't want to leave your baby with a sitter for a while," to which I calmly reply, "You must think I want John to come." See, part of the fantasy is having no witness as I stuff my face. I want a few hours in silence with all of the foods I have missed so dearly during pregnancy, to reconnect and rekindle. Oh yeah, and I'm having a g-d drink or two while I'm at it (an urban perk is that you never have to drive!). Sure, John and I will need to find time to spend alone together once M is here (we're pretty sure that's the kid's first initial), but I've got an itch in my belly that I can't wait to scratch. Anyway, without further ado, the list:
1. Steak. When I say steak, I mean the kind that leaves blood on your lips. I guess I could have eaten it while pregnant, but this is just one of those foods that is simply not meant to be cooked to a gray death the way I would have had to in order to eat it. So yeah, steak. With lots of blood.
2. Runny egg yolks. I can say with some confidence that, though I have dutifully eaten them for their protein, if I never see another scrambled egg on my plate again it will be too soon. I am picturing a popped yolk running down the sides of a bloody steak and it is making my heart flutter...now I am picturing a homemade caesar salad...I see buttered toast dipped in that marvelous yellowy goo...ugh...I might actually drool.
3. Raw fish. Prior to being pregnant, I could have eaten sushi and sashimi weekly. In fact, when I had my druthers, I'm pretty sure I did eat it weekly. Needless to say, our reunion will be joyous. I think I feel myself tearing up at the mere prospect.
4. Gin. Ok, I know I talked about this being a food list, but where I come from gin IS a food. Don't even try to convince me or mine otherwise. I will be having mine with tonic water and a wedge of lime over ice. I can feel myself melting into my chair at that first sip already.
5. Pate. Do I even need to explain this one? I guess some folks can't get down with pate. This is good because it guarantees I'll be able to find some when I'm ready for it. Give me some gherkins and I am good to go.
6. Roast beef. Some women are psychotic about what they eat when they're pregnant; I am not one of these women. However, as with my more general desire for steak, I have abstained from roast beef for these long months. I can see us running towards each other in slow motion, the thinly sliced rare roast beef leaning in for a hug, and me ducking and tripping the meat so it lands on a baguette with blue cheese. Oh, it's a magical little video and sometimes I play it on repeat while I am eating my 9 millionth vegetable sandwich.
7. Oysters. Raw, on the shell over ice, with a squeeze of lemon and a drop of hot sauce. It will be hard not to moan. I'm not even sure I'll try to stop myself.
8. Tuna salad. This is, no doubt, the lamest thing on my list. For someone who's on the brink of motherhood, I certainly retain (amongst others) the childish tendency to want the very things I am told I can't have. And so, though I had probably eaten tuna less than five times in the year leading up to my pregnancy, I find myself dying to bite into a tuna melt. Though I won't eat it again for eons after my debaucherous romantic evening alone, the tuna's definitely invited on this date.
9. Mayonnaise. I don't even really like mayonnaise (I used to give it up for Lent at church when I was little and everyone thought I was so devoted...good trick, no?). The thing is, though, that a month or two ago John mentioned an interest in making it from scratch. I told him to go for it but that he'd have to eat it all himself or give it away because I wouldn't be able to eat it due to the raw eggs involved. The same propensity for wanting that which I can't have kicked in and now I have wanted to eat homemade mayonnaise ever since. I'm thinking I could do some serious damage to good aioli. Scratch that, I'm thinking I'm going to have to.
10. Homemade ice cream. See, we have an ice cream making attachment for our KitchenAid mixer. When I open my freezer to get my store-bought ice cream (every single day), I see the attachment sitting in there just waiting for me. Once upon a time I made vanilla bean ice cream that nearly brought tears to my eyes. The two of us are going to meet again and it's going to be nothing short of glorious.
Now, I'm sure some of you have read this list and thought, "Rachel, most of that food should never appear on the same table at once." To you naysayers, all I have to say is that most of what I've eaten for the last 36 weeks shouldn't be eaten together at once. I haven't been super weird about what I've eaten, just a little bit particular, and my meals have often been makeshift in the name of ensuring proper vitamin intake (ok, except when my hot wings problem dictates). The real problem with my list is going to be finding one restaurant that offers all of these things at the same time. The good news, though, is that I've still got time to find this wonderful, wonderful place. If you're lucky, I'll tell you where it is once I'm done.